Comment on Sydney's Free Write, Week 6

I like this draft a lot--the narrative flows nicely, it's interesting, and you have some great words and phrases in here ("sorostitute", "Mr. Curly piggy-bank", "broken string of testosterone" "one hell of a hicktown taxidermist"). That being said, it needs to be pared down. It has some phrases that can be compacted into one image ("a black, discolored mirage of a dead oasis", for instance, would probably work better as just "a discolored mirage"). I think it could also benefit from some more specificity. For example, "earning a scarlet letter" has, well, been done. Not only by Hawthorne, but by a movie and even misused in a Taylor Swift song. It was nuanced by "carved in plastic", but I didn't feel like this was enough. I would love to see something like "I was earning a plastic letter magnet--an A in maraschino". I love the scene at the end, but I think it could probably stop it at "this poem dedicated to him" or even just say "this poem, his poem." By saying "my oppressor- / my anomaly, my catalyst, my muse" the draft ends by telling the reader what the speaker thinks about her boyfriend, while the poem should speak for itself on this matter. Once again, though, I really did like this draft overall.