Class Projects
I crouched with half-bored classmates around the pot
of carefully-tended grease, watching
the teacher poke around
floating sizzling dough. Later
I told my mother about making donuts and she replied
with beignet mix--a gift
silently rotting in the pantry since her ex-
husband's mother had disdainfully gifted it.
In absence of butterflies or even moths,
we learned to care for mealworms.
We watched them burrow into pine
shavings that reeked of nibbled apple slices and sour oatmeal.
When they pupated, we buried them in the garden
where I hoed out rows overzealously.
Christine, I really love the enjambments you have going on here. They give the impression of the dreamy quality of looking back to interesting moments in one's childhood. The first line's end-word, “pot,” made me read the next line very carefully and then take a closer look at the title. I think it works to great effect to make me, the reader, go back and pick your poem over more carefully. Also, I especially liked the line “shavings that reeked of nibbled apple slices and sour oatmeal” because of the powerful imagery there. I smelled the schoolyard-trash staleness from my public school childhood. You captured it well.
ReplyDeleteI find it interesting how the class projects turn back to the home at the end of each stanza. This juxtaposition of the thirst for learning in childhood, the intriguing quality of hands-on projects (I fondly remember making a whirlpool in a coke bottle in third grade), with images of the “silently rotting” beignet mix from “her ex-husband's mother” is a great kind of jarring. I find myself wondering about the speaker's childhood and home life.
The only thing I find iffy is the use of the word “overzealously” at the end. This word seems a little baggy in comparison to the rich language of its stanza and the one previous. I felt this might be too soft a note to end on for such a concise, snappy little piece.
The imagery in the poem is very descriptive as it is reminiscent of adolescent years. I found it interesting that you chose to contrast the obvious, with the line: “I crouched with half-bored classmates around the pot”. As a child I can remember being excited about any class project especially if it were hands-on. The recap with the parent was also a flashback down memory lane. The transition from school to home was nice as well. The last two lines of the first stanza makes me question whether or not the “ex husband” was the speakers step-father or father. It also strikes an inquiry about the speakers overall life.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Mackenzie’s discrepancy with the word “overzealously”. Such a long word with a prominent (and harsh) “z” sound clashes with the preceding poem and left me stylistically confused. Another instance I want to pick with is the phrase “crouched with half-bored classmates”. Crouching seems to imply interest, intentness; it serves to get closer and involves a higher focus in stabilizing the muscles. As far as “half-bored” goes, I feel it is not as strong of a descriptive word as could be there. However, the imagery of this piece is particularly specific and vivid. In just the first stanza, we are introduced to a narrator, classmates, teacher, mother, ex-husband, and ex-mother-in-law. Both of the class projects are detailed in a way that I can easily picture.
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