It's not done, but this is what I have so far:
How to Show Your Mother that She Raised You Right
Don't suck down your Dr. Pepper
like it's a sports bottle. Make sure
she sees you with a book once
a week. Call her just to talk. Tell her
about a rude or stupid person.
Don't laugh at South Park. Exfoliate.
Know who Emily Post is.
Only say "shit" to close friends or
when a car runs over you. Don't
bring a guy home unless
you can tell her unblushingly
where he lives and how you met. Read
Glamour and Vogue. Agree about the
curtains in the foyer. Agree
that the neighbor is white trash. Agree
that you won't marry an asshole.
Eat mango or berries with breakfast.
Translate a poem for Mother's Day. Don't
tell her your favorite brand of vodka
or why you didn't ask for ballet lessons.
Listen to her suggestions for mascara shades.
Be frugal. Don't steal. Correct her gently.
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